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Re: The Waiting Room of Love

Dearest Mommy,

Life has been as enchanted as ever: I’ve been accepted to present my research – which is possibly the first of its kind in my field of study – in an international conference. I gave my first pole dance class at a Hen Party and received great reviews. Society members enjoy my language classes. I’ve moved up a level in Ballroom and scored medals in both Ballroom and Latin American in my last dance competition. I stay faithful to the Divine Couple. I have lost a lot of fat and gained a lot of muscle. I am surrounded by the love of friends. Ms. Guevara pulled a re-appearing act, and I am handling that with more class and dignity than I thought possible – and I no longer want her. Tallied up, I shouldn’t want for fulfilment.

And yet, I do.

My darling Psychic Panda had been shown that I would meet my soulmate around the university’s Graduation period. Only now, that time has passed and I have not met him. Indeed I know this, as I have seen the signs and indications of his countenance, even his initials. Knowing something like that makes it hard not to notice. And now I fear I’ve lost my chance. Worst, is how Ms. Guevara’s latest interference with my life might lead to un/intentional blocking on her part. Yesterday I spent the day fighting the pull of despair: I would never meet him. I missed my window opportunity.

And I’ve been thinking about it – I’ve been worried about this. Looking at every man, wondering if he would be The One. I had put my life and dreams on hold, again, to sit in the Waiting Room of Love.

I didn’t want to admit it – Hell, I don’t even want to admit it now – but, once again, I lost myself for another. And worse, for a man who I have not even met. Some strange part of me fears that my biological clock has sounded – although I only turn 24 this year, I’ve already begun to internalise the idea that my life has no meaning without a boyfriend. All the projects and goals lining my bedroom walls, the accomplishments I have so far, have been forgotten in the desperation of not being alone anymore.

I won’t lie, Mommy. I want to see him. I yearn to share all this love inside me. But, it seems the Universe doesn’t deem me ready just yet. And I do feel that maybe my time has passed forever. And I’m learning to be alright with that possibility. In fact, in some ways it is a relief. I imagined the problems that would arise between us if I had started dating: the distance, my future plans, everything. And I see now that my life as it is right now is uncertain enough as it is. There is something in me that hasn’t lost hope; that feels that this epiphany brings me even closer to him. So close we might meet soon.

But love hardly shows up when one is looking. You told me this morning to trust my chosen deities and seek a life pleasing to them. It is time for me to be me and explore my own faith and abilities and embrace true love when it finds me. It won’t be easy kicking the habit of searching for him, but I think in many ways this is best. Our love should happen naturally, and it won’t happen by me walking into a conversation with my soulmate already forcing him into pre-conceived notions. I can teach myself to value and enjoy being single. And I will.

Bisous,

Your Pixie.

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Reclaiming their roots

An interesting post. I’m so honoured to have been a part of it. ❤

The Tiny Televisioner

Over the past few years the natural hair movement has sparked debate which has had a significant impact on the way some black women view beauty.

Natural hair, meaning unprocessed hair, has always been considered as “… unattractive and undesirable” writes Essence Hair blogger Chime Edwards.

Edward asserts that black women have become accustomed to straightening, relaxing and weaving their hair to liken it to the western aesthetic.

Edwards refers to movements such as the Civil Rights Movement that changed the way Africans view themselves as well as their hair.

These movements have given way for a renewed appreciation of the power and symbolism associated with black hair.

An increased number of black women have started embracing their natural locks or ‘kinks’, as the natural hair community puts it.

Celebrities such as Solange, Chrisette Michele, Viola Davis, Lupita Nyongo and Janelle Monae have stared flaunting their hair on the…

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The Dale-Julia subplot: Is rape okay?

Warning: This post contains trigger warnings of rape and spoilers for Horrible Bosses and Horrible Bosses 2

This post is a little different from my usual ones. Mainly because this was something that needs to be directly addressed. Last night my mom and I went to watch Horrible Bosses 2. And I LOVED IT. It’s far different from most American slapstick that hits international screens, blending old-school comedy with modern situations. I haven’t watched The Three Stooges, but I imagine Nick (played by Jason Bateman), Kurt (played by Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (played by Charlie Day) would be as close to the modern equivalent as we could get.

However, there is one big problem; the way the movie addresses male rape.

In the first movie, Dale is subject to sexual harassment by his boss, Julia (played by Jennifer Aniston). She touches him inappropriately, prances around naked in front of him, makes reference to his penis several times and, when he still rejects her in favour of his fiance, blackmails him. Her bait: pictures of the things she did to his body when he was drugged on laughing gas. His friends can’t sympathise with him: any guy wants to be aggressively pursued by a hot woman, right?

But the scene that made it all too uncomfortable is in the sequel. Without revealing too much, Dale takes a bullet to the chest and goes into a five-day coma. Before that, Julia had been threatening to send him and his friends to the police for breaking into her office, unless Dale submits and sleeps with her. When he wakes up, Julia informs him that he’s off the hook. Her reason: men can have coma-boners. “Lots and lots of coma-boners.”

And thus, her subplot ends. It doesn’t take a university degree to imagine what she was referring to.

But, imagine if it were a gender-bender, if Dale were a woman and Julia a man. Would this still be funny? Would this subplot exist? And if it did, would this movie enter a different genre, much like the movie Trust?

A friend of mine said that comedy is meant to point out some of the things wrong with society. But, several times in the movie, Characters practiced political correctness by way of racism and male-to-female sexual harassment.

For instance, Kurt keeps hiring beautiful women to work at their company to sleep with. Nick and Dale point out that he can’t, because it’s sexual harassment. They also point out that he can’t fire them on the premise that he can’t sleep with them, because that is also sexual harassment.

Or even the time when Dale uses a racist accent in a random phonecall. Rex (played by Chris Pine), points out that it’s racist and they choose another accent that they keep in certain scenes of the movie. These were done to be funny, but aware. The Julia subplot does not seem to run on the same vein. No one learns anything and Julia walks away scott-free.

And this is, sadly, the general treatment towards male rape. Men have problems identifying and speaking out against rape and sexual harassment because it’s seen as something a ‘sissy’ would do. Especially if the woman in question is good-looking. And it makes me queasy that we still have media approaching it in a similar way. It’s not the fact that the subplot exists that’s wrong. It’s how it’s resolved.

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Re: Goals

Dearest Domme,

I apologise profusely for the lack of correspondence – I got so absorbed into myself that I forgot how to function with anyone and anything. On the plus side, it makes walking through København something of a religious experience.

As part of praying for a great New Year, I’ve decided to take part in the 21-day fast. I’ve fasted the only game I brought with me and my favourite comics. Which has left me with my textbook, Journey to the Centre of the Earth, and my own aspirations and I have to say: it’s only day one, and IT HURTS.

Without those pleasures to dull my senses, I’m left with what everyone does in the New Year – think about who I’m meant to be. What I want out of this year. And when you asked me for my resolutions, I hadn’t planned any. I hadn’t planned for success.

I’m scared. My brain reaches a block whenever I think about the future. Whenever I think about getting the future I want and the love I deserve. And I’ve learned something about myself: I’ve made myself okay with mediocrity.

Not that this is new; in the past I self-sabotaged more than I care to think about. However, I thought I’d let it go. I thought, with all the blessings around me, I’d have kicked this in the ass. But it seems that my fear of success runs deeper than all that. That I’m so afraid of reaching my goals, that I’m alright with not having any. Or that something in me doesn’t want to commit to anything, so I avoid having goals to commit myself to.

I got accepted to present in a conference in Kyoto. My dance club is planning a Euro trip to compete in the German Open. Months ago, when I was still drunk on rejection, I had written what I wanted. And I’m getting it and it’s scary and uplifting and all I want and don’t want. My Dearest Sister suggested I do a vision board, but I keep hitting a wall, because what if what I want doesn’t come true? Or worse: What if it does!?

I’m going to defeat this fear. I’m going to talk to the part of me that wants to be mediocre and I’m going to change it. I deserve the best. But most importantly, I deserve to work for the best.

I hope all is well with you. I wish you were here to walk with me.

All my love,

Sub

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Re: Soulmates

Dearest Sister,

I am overjoyed to hear about your escapades in London – verily, you have found your calling and your passion! You glow in every picture and your voice is a gentle joy. Never lose it.

Here at home things are fantastic: I gave my first pole warmup (which was wonky, but fun) and I pulled off a Superman on my first attempt! It’s basically this move:

(only I look more human – and thus imperfect – doing it)

And I feel complete. I feel like I was meant to do this. Like I could do this my whole life and not regret a single moment of it.

It got  me thinking; I want my own pole soon. And I can already feel that the pole I will have will be one of my soulmates.

It’s interesting – I was set against the idea that one could have multiple soulmates in each lifetime. That somebody who is not a romantic interest cannot possibly touch on your life, or bring you the same satisfaction and fulfillment through relationship.

And yet I’ve already met a soulmate: Domme.

She was there even before my fall. And talking to her, having her as a support system inspired me to lift myself up. We have so much in common. We have so much to give to each other. I see her in my future and she sees me in hers. It’s like another part of me is in Cape Town.

And yet, it isn’t romantic.

We have a deep, profound love for each other and an intense desire for the other’s happiness. But we don’t desire a romantic and/or physical relationship with each other. She is as dear to me as my romantic soulmate. And I thought to myself: this is okay.

In no way does this mean that my romantic soulmate is redundant, or that he is less important. It just means that there are many manifestations of soulmate, and that you can love people deeply and equally with different kinds of love. I love Carin with the same depth and sincerity that I will love my romantic soulmate. But my love for my romantic soulmate will be a mix of agape and eros: pure and sensual love.

This was something that I struggled with for a long time, and is mostly why I became so obsessive of Ms Guevara and so insecure about her having deep connections to anyone who wasn’t me. I hadn’t understood this yet. And even now, I’m still struggling to determine the different types of love and accept that they can be on equal level. Not all love is romantic; not every touch is sexual desire.

Hope all continues to be fantastic this week! Love ya.

Your Sister

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Are you in a relationship with a narcissistic personality?

These warning signs are real. Furthermore, game recognise game. Some of the narc’s personality traits are yours too. Fix them before they become a thing.

Dr. Kathie Mathis' Blog

Are you in a relationship with a psychopath or a sociopath and/or narcissist? All can be extremely charming and come across like Prince/Princess Charming at first. So unless you know the signs, you’d probably get “groomed” into the life of a socio/psychopath and not know who he/she really was until you are completely drawn into their web of deceit with soul trauma being the result if you stay too long in the relationship.

Here are 10 signs you should look out for to quickly identify this type of relationship.

1. Flattery like you’ve never heard before. They move extremely quickly. On the first date, he’ll probably tell you that you are stunningly beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and are not like any other woman he has been with to date. He will play into every fantasy and insecurity you have. If you think you’re fat, he will tell you how much he loves…

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